Midnights Are No Fun

by Erica

This is the network, TVLand, once the channel that savored drama, suspense, and action, now taken over by sitcoms. The laughter has to stop somewhere. That somewhere is me... I carry a badge.

It was the year 2001. It was cool in Los Angeles. We were working robbery/homicide. The boss is Captain Brown, my partner's Bill Gannon. My name's Friday.

We were looking over some files of a missing woman, who we knew would be found by the end of the show, when a call came in.

"Robbery/homicide, Sergeant Friday... What? You gotta be kidding... you can't do that... oh, well I guess you can then." I slammed down the phone.

"Who was it?" asked Gannon.


"Really, whadda they got? Robbery or a double homicide?"


"Triple homicide."

"No, we're being cut."

"Cut!" exclaimed Bill. "That's worse than I thought. Joe, what are we gonna do?"

"I don't know Bill."

While Gannon and I were sulking over a cup of coffee officers Pete Malloy and Jim Reed walked in.

"What are you doin' here?" I asked. "This isn't your station."

The younger officer answered. "Our sergeant sent us 'cause the studio called. We're being forced to start
work at four in the morning or three or two or even one depending on the time zone..."

"I think they get the point, Reed," interrupted Malloy, saving us from a long explanation.

"Sorry, boys, we can't help you," said Bill.

"You can't?"




"The studio cut us."

"Cut you?"


"Too bad."

"I know."

"Hey, sarge, for 'ol time sake could you give us one of your dramatic, but inspiring speeches?" asked Jim. Pete just rolled his eyes.

"Sure kid." I felt I could offer one last unique speech of mine. "Even though 'Dragnet' is off the air and 'Adam-12' is being forced to work midnights... I... I forgot my lines. Hand me the script, Bill."

"I guess this is why we're through."

I had to agree with Bill. Suddenly I was in no mood to give a speech. "Sorry, Reed, I just don't have it in me."

"Oh well," yawned Malloy, "our show starts in five minutes."

"And we still have over a hundred to go. You know Jean isn't to thrilled with my new schedule. It's been..."

"Come on, Jim, let's go."

I smiled to myself as I watched Pete drag his partner out the door. At least the fans would keep them alive with their stories. As we made our way out the station Bill invited me over for dinner. "How 'bout it, Joe, our first night into retirement."

"Why not. What are we having?"

"Glazed duck!"

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